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Independence
Struggle for Independence. "He's a teenager." Those words are often said with the same frustration as "He's reached the Terrible Two's." Both comments underlie the frustration that parents sometimes face, but both comments are prejudicial and sometimes untrue. There is a bias against children during these two important developmental stages. In both instances your child is making a giant leap in their development as a human being. As a two year old, your toddler is changing from an infant to discovering he is an individual person, not just a blob that's fed and diapered. "No" just happens to be the easiest way to express this new identity and establish himself as a separate person.
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A similar transformation occurs during adolescence. Your child makes the leap from an elementary school kid to a young adult, one that is trying to learn how to face the world on his own. The task of becoming an individual as in a two year old, now becomes the task of becoming independent. In the midst of trying to figure out who they are, a teenager has to go through puberty, learn to drive, and maybe even take a job. A parent can either view these times as a period of discovery and advancement or times of battle and turmoil. |
Remember those toddler years? The easiest way for some teenagers to become their "own, separate, individual" is to be everything their parent is not. In other words, by saying "no" to everything you are is the quickest and easiest way for some kids to become their own person. So, when you're teen comes walking in with a earring or all dressed in black, try to realize those choices often have more to do with your child trying to grow up than your child trying to give you a heart-attack. |
